sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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