I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
