my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
