A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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