Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
