our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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