I am puke
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
