Do you still have your period?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
