If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
our cab driver is having phone sex.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
