i think my tv is drunk
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize