i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
