I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
