At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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