Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
