Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
