I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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