Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
