I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
