cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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