well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
