I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You ruined the universe
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
