Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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