apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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