3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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