he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
