Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
