He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
