she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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