i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
