i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
