my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
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