Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
