I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
