you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Boobs speak an international language.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
