apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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