well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
