She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
