OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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