I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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