i think my tv is drunk
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
