I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
