Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
