i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
