that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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