she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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