just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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