Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
