He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
