A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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