He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
