i will never coherently bang her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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