hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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