I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
