I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
