I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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