They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize