did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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