Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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