just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
