Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
