what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
