people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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