I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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