covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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