cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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