remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
