My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize