Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
