Pappa wants mamma naked
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
