He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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