fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
